One time I left my younger daughter (middle child) in a hot car and forgot she was there. My wife and my oldest daughter had gotten out and went into a theater where the oldest daughter had her dance recital. I parked the car about 100 feet away and for some reason, maybe because my wife and daughter got out, my stupid brain just decided to go into kid-free mode. To say I panicked 10 minutes later when I remembered would be an understatement. I was mid conversation with someone and when I remembered her I just turned and ran. No explanation. I sprinted to the car, but knowing it was only 10 minutes I knew it would be ok. There she was. A little sweaty, but just sitting there and looking around. Smiled when she saw me. This memory haunts me. I frequently lose sleep or have to pull my mind off it. The thought of what would have happened and how easy it was to forget her will never leave me. Always double check for your kids folks. Even if you think you’re good or have a great memory.

That one time when went camping for 3 nights I left the garden hose on at home full blast and we got a $700 water bill.

I knocked the TV off the Ikea kallax shelf. I was walking quickly with the laundry basket half on my hip and knocked into the shelf. TV came tumbling down and landed upside down on some shoes. I guess the shoes cushioned the fall because the TV works perfectly. My husband has told me a thousand times to slow down so I won't bump into things, which I do often. I will never tell him that the TV fell from five feet and it was totally my fault.

that it did, actually, make their butt look big.

That I pooped in the ocean while snorkeling off of Hawaii. And that was the reason for all the beautiful fish swarming around us all of a sudden (bon appetit dear fish!) Yes, indeed, it was magical.

That I farted and him checking the entire house as well as asking the neighbors if they smelled anything because he thought “it could be a gas leak” was a waste of time.

I know who it is that keeps messing with the thermostat. IT’S ME.

They didn't forget to buy them at the grocery store. I, in fact, at 2 am. Ate the entire package of oreos.

That your mum, contrary to what I’ve said before, is truly a boring idiot.

That I left the Nintendo Switch you gifted me on a bus. The Switch that you see me using is a replacement that I bought on ebay.

That I chipped our wonderful granite quartz counter (that he picked out) and filled it with white putty. I will take this to my grave.

My wife thinks I quit the Master's program at University because I was having an affair with a Professor's wife (this was before she and I met). In actuality, I had to leave town because of my connection to a murder. This all happened 25 years ago, and everyone else involved has since passed away.

Early on in our relationship, I made breakfast for my then Girlfriend and her kids using some pancake mix she had in the pantry. After making the pancakes and serving to them, I went to mix up a little more to make mine...and I realized there were some maggots in the dry mix. They were pretty much done eating, and telling me how good they were...I decided that ignorance was better than telling them. Taking that one to my grave.

Remember when we were engaged and visited your mom in the hospital, and she let a fart so rank that your eyes watered and we still talk about it 20 years later? That was me.

One night when my husband was sleeping peacefully, I attempted suic*de in our kitchen. This was the year after I lost my mom and couldn't handle the sadness, guilt, and loneliness. The bedroom was near the kitchen and the door was open. I heard him sleep talk and he farted while sleeping. It was so unusual and funny that it made me stop what I was doing.

Her mother was interfering in our marriage constantly. I had an appointment with a lawyer to talk over options for divorce because I couldn't stand it anymore. Then her mother died suddenly. Heart attack. After the funeral, things got better...and here we are now married for 3 decades. She doesn't need to know.

When my wife and I fight I go around and tighten all the jars in the fridge so that she has to come talk to me if she wants to open one.

Every pay check I take out $25-$30 in small bills and slip some bills into her pockets while I’m folding laundry. Money is tight, and it’s the source of a lot of anxiety for her, so to see how excite/relieved she gets when she finds it makes me happy